Nek0's Blog

The void

Posted on by nek0 in english

Hello folks. I am deeply sorry for not updating my blog for this long.

As some of you might know, I struggle with depression. The last few months have been very hard for me, as my illness gets more active and unpredictable due to stress. And I feel more and more like I’m losing ground. Things I enjoyed doing in the past don’t appeal to me anymore. I have trouble maintaining my sleep schedule. Everyday tasks are harder and harder to make and my thoughts venture more and more into darker places. These all and more are warning signs for a very serious depressive episode.

It feels like nothing really changes. Every time I’m in clinical treatment, most recently in november, new problems become visible, but none of my complications ever get resolved. I’m on medication, which messes with my brain and has tons of side effects and yet it only keeps me barely functioning.

I feel like a burden. Both socially on my friends and family but also on society as a whole. I don’t dare to speak to my friends too much anymore, to not drag them down. Everyone has enough of his own problems. And somehow everyone gets his or her things done, except for me. I am useless.

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